There are days when I have customers in when I spend a great deal of my day ‘”matchmaking” the customer to the perfect item, whether it be a dress, a set of china plates, or that perfect little trinket for that tiny corner of their bedroom.  Its one of my favorite things to do, this process of choosing the exact right thing.  And becasue I have such a large back area, I always have much more to choose from than what theys ee on the floor, so I spend lots of time digging through my storage area, finding stuff back there that they might like. 80% of the time I have just the thing, and they walk out with a smile and their item wrapped in beautiful printed tissue paper ( I have several kinds), and tucked safely inside a brown paper bag with the distinctive Toadstool Farm Vintage stamp on the outside.

There are days when I’m scouring Estate sales for treasures when I feel like a foster home for unwanted items of great beauty that most people would overlook.  For instance, there was a gorgeous handworked round tablecloh all done in stunning crocheted butterflies.  Beautiful, intricate, probably about 80 years old. It had some slight stains on it, and it was headed for the trash.  I snatched it up for free under the astonished and slightly embarrassed gaze of the heir of this unwanted gem, soaked it for 2 days in Oxy, and found the exact right woman who cherished it as much as I do.  Or the books…old, beautifully printed copies of classics by Jane Austin, Voltaire, or Edgar Allen Poe or whomever. Most people completely ignore the bookshelves at Estate Sales, and so, these treasured tomes, are sold for pennies…to me.  Some of them are worth $100 or more.   It makes me sad to see them disregarded, to see them passed over in favor of Kindles or whatever it is people are using nowdays to “read” books with. I never say never, but I dont think you’ll ever catch me with one of those. I relish the sensual feel of smooth paper pages, and soft leather covers,  the smell of ink and trees …

Or the clothing…hunting down and finding the one remarkable Givenchy dress in amongst the used Gaps, Target brands, or nameless, cheap, made in Taiwan labels…I’m always shocked that someone overlooked it.  Always. Never fails to blow my mind.

And then there are days when I’m very slow in the store. It’s raining perhaps, or its the first week of the month which I’ve seen tends to be very slow (I think folks are recovering from just having paid the rent/bills/etc…). I’ll spend the day mostly in the back, filling web orders, or refinishing a wrought iron plant stand, or sanding a mid century cabinet in preparation for repainting it. 

Always, there is music playing, anything I feel in the mood for…mostly cool vintagey soundtracks, like “French Kiss”, “The Notebook”or “A Good Year”, but sometimes something darker and heavier, like “Gladiator”, “Lord of the Rings”, or Kingdom of Heaven”. Then there are the days I want something light, and I’ll go for, “Chocolat”, or “Benny and Joon”, or “Enchanted”.  Sometimes, very rarely, something pop, like Sting, or Garth Brooks, or even John Denver.

I’ll sit at my counter, facing the street, watching the change of light as it goes from the bright midday sun to the softer gold of late afternoon, then the faded colors of twlight and finally the dark glitter of streetlamps. 

I’ll lock up, turn round my sign from Open to Shut, flick off most of the lights and sit at the counter again just watching the store in the barely light of a few lamps in the windows.  The beautiful items inside go to sleep for the night, the music is off and the store sounds muffle, the energy slows…its peace and rest, and its mine.

And you all helped create it.

Thank you!

“Jack? Your name is Jack?”
“Yes, my name is Jacq.”
“Really? Jack?”
“Really.”
“Your name is Jack?”  (Total disbelief)
“Yes. Its short for Jacqueline.”
“Oh!!!! JackIE!”
“Nooooo….Jacq.”
(Pregnant pause)
“Your name is Jack?”

Real conversation I just with a woman had regarding my name.

“Who does the art?”
“Me.”
“You do all of this, huh?”
“Yes, I do.”
“So if I brought you someone you could paint them in one of these.”
“No, I couldn’t. I’m not a portrait artist.”
“Yeah, but you could look at them and paint them like this, right?”
“Noooo…I’m not a portrait artist.”
“Yes, but you could put their face on one of these.”
“Nooo….I’m NOT A PORTRAIT ARTIST. That’s not what I do.”
“Oh. Well I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I’m not offended. I’m just trying to explain to you that I don’t do what you’re asking”
“Well the force of your answer says you’re offended.”
I gave up at that point.
I can only assume this guy didn’t know what “Portrait” means.

1) My sleep pattern. I was always, always a night owl.  It was not uncommon to see me up and still working at 4 a.m.. My normal bedtime was generally somewhere between midnight and 1 .m., perhaps towards 2.  Waking up was at about 10-11 if allowed to sleep until my body wanted to rise.  Ever since the day of the big Change,  I’m up at about 7:30-  8ish, and in bed by about 10:30-11.

2) I’ve popped a grey streak in my hair, right above my right temple.  Wasn’t there before, showed up the morning after the event, and now its quite noticeable.

3) I’m WAY more tolerant of human foibles.  Road rage hardly touches me, and my patience level is much higher.  I’ve also started noticing just how intolerant, angry and impatient the rest of the world seems.  I’m quite sure they haven’t changed, I just never noticed before because I was exactly the same way.

4) I want to be home more.  The Gypsy streak that drove me to pursue Renaissance Faires as a way of life has toned WAY down.  It’s still there, I still love the open road, Faires, and seeing new things, but I’m strongly driven to be home and spend more weekend time with my daughter, horses and friends. Evidence of this? The store I’m in the process of trying to get open.

5) I’ve developed a new appreciation for the husband-ish.  We’ve been seperated-at my insistence, not his-since June 2009.  Almost two years now. However, we’ve continued to see each other and sort of officially started dating again about 6 months ago.  He has steadfastly supported these changes in me and has never doubted that what happened to me was real. or if he doubts, he never lets on.  This means an awful lot to me as you can imagine. Combined with the effort I’ve seen in him to make the changes he needed to make in order to correct his part in the demise of our marriage, its made me appreciate him in a new way that wasn’t there before.  We’re still not back together, but it’s a start.

My latest project…I’ve been working on it for the last several weeks and it’s finally ready for public consumption. Its not like anything you’ve seen me do before. The In Between is a not-for-profit website devoted to helping people through grief, bereavement and loss.   If you’ve read my more recent blogs, you’ll understand that I have a special sort of understanding of this inevitable part of life. And after an event that happened in early February I felt compelled to do something with that.

So thein-between.com was born. Its a grief support group with a bit of a twist, as it also supports people who have had experiences similar to mine and find themselves with no place to talk about them and try to make sense of them without being laughed at or shunned.

The In Between features: 

1. a Memorial Wall where you can post photos  and write a description of your lost loved ones
2. A forum where you can post your stories, an area to post poems, songs, artwork and more, connect with others, find or suggest resource to help others, and create a journal to help you keep track of your journey through grief and healing
3. a page of suggestions of things you can do to help others and thereby help yourself and a way to submit your own ideas of other things one can do to “Pay it Forward”
4. A way to contact me for one on one conversations about your loss or pending loss

I invite you personally to come and check it out, maybe post some picture son the Memorial Wall and sign up for our forum. Even if you don’t feel The In Between is for you right now, I would like to ask that you keep us in mind if you know of osmeone who might benefit from The In Between.  It is ENTIRELY run out of my pocket and requires word of mouth to get the word out to those who need it. 

Thank you!!!

http://www.thein-between.com

The Guide

I have held the heads of quite a few beloved horses whose owners could not bear the pain of their departure. Resting my forehead to theirs and breathing into myself their last breaths, looking into their eyes with love as they began their greatest ride.

I have said goodbye to more than a dozen of my own cherished animal companions and keep their memories alive in my heart and my world.

I have spent hours on phones and in emails trying to answer the questions of the grieving: when does it feel better? When does the pain go away. When will they stop feeling guilty for still being alive.

I have lost my own best friend to cancer and have been blessed to hear his final message to me.

I am currently painting an original commissioned from me by a woman for her best friend who was murdered tragically young.

The In Between

I have always felt an odd understanding and empathy towards loss, sorrow and pain. Such a strong understanding and connection that it is permanently enscribed on my Being.

Last Fall, at a 6 week long show I was doing,  the neighbor to a)my immediate right had lost their Father/Grandfather/Family Patriarch a few short weeks before, b) the neighbor to my immediate left lost his adored wife also a few short weeks before and c) my neighbor directly in front lost her husband partway through the show. I was in my own tender Bermuda Triangle of sorrow and loss. 

I have spoken to many many people in my art booths who have found my work speaks to them of someone they’ve lost. I have seen those both unable to stop opening up to me of this pain, and those unable almost to even look at me. I have accepted both and held them in my thoughts.

The Touched

I have walked my entire life on the thin line where the veils separate this world from others.  I have frequently fallen into one or another quite by accident and returned always the same but always changed.  Some have called me Odd or Fey, some have called me Touched, some have called me by the name I’ve adopted for my own…Misfit.  I’ve just recently discovered my First Love died a couple of years ago and have since been given an extraordinary experience and blessing.  It has changed my entire world and changed me forever.

 *********

Just a week ago a dear friend called me a Gateway…   Its time to be brave and open that Gate to the world.  Be on the lookout for an entirely new project from me soon. Something unlike anything you have ever seen me do before, utterly not for profit.  A completely different side of me that I have never shared up to now.  I’m hard at work on it.  I hope to release it within the next month or two.

Wish me luck and love?

The Gateway